We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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