Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
