i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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