Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
it's like iHOP with fire
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
