You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
