I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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