Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
