I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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