Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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