Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
