your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
