Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
