I got chris browned last night
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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