My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
There's always time for handjobs
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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