I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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