Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize