honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
