Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
