Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
