North Korea, Best Korea!
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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