i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
