Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
