Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
