Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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