I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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