Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
