She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
