I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
