what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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