I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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