I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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