I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
it was like eating out sand paper
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
