upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
