We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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