someone threw a dead crab at me
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I just found a bag of teeth...
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I made him laugh his dick is mine
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
