I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
