I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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