so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
