i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
