NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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