You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
