i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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