Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm like, not good at living.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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