Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Randomize
