News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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