i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
