Just mADE A PArabola og urine
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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