Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
