Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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