So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
he thought i was a dude.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
