Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
