you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
