is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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