I heard we made out
Yo dont text me then not text me
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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