On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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