I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
