Swine flu. Run for my life!
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
