i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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