wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
