i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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