forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
