i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
