Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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