i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
