he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
