I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Randomize
