fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
this just has baby written all over it
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize