he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
