sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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