my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
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