All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize