Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
